I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
