Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
