No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
