Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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