the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
