You don't have asthma, your pregnant
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
PANTIES FOUND
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
