I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You made out with two different species that night
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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