RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
