She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
