im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
