he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
