there's paper in my vomit.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Randomize
