I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
