Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
