Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize