It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
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I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
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