last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
