from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
