Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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