Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
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