So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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