why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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