my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
