Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
