Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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