Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize