I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
