we're chasing vodka with high fives
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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