Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
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and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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