I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
