Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
