fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
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The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
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I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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