I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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