So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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