I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
