you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
