the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Every concussion has its silver lining
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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