Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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