You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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