I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
