tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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