is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
