This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
