i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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