I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
so let's talk penis.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
