He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
