Swine flu. Run for my life!
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
