bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
