Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
