my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
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