Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
