is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
