if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i just made my gag reflex go away.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
