but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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