Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
