Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
