what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
