woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
