roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
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It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
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Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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