I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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