I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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