They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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