Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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