Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
