I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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